Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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