when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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