Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
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