Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
we're making bets on your personal life
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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