so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
