i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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