So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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