i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
