i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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