He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
