hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
