my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
