thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
