She is in my trunk
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
