And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I will be naked everywhere
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
