I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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