I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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