i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
