seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
it hurts more in the daytime
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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