Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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