"it" just moved
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
