I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
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So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
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he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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