Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Your cock deserves a montage
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
