Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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