I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
