What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Acid is not a monday night drug
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
