Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
