Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
