I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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