Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
