Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
