Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
