on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
