If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
