Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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