there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize