it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
