u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
