Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
