I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
