that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
