Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
