Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
