Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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