Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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