Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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