Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
