I just pynch a tree in the face
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
