dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
