After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
