Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
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just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
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Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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