I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
