You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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