"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
