So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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