I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
is it fun? or sober?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
