I didn't shave. On purpose
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
