He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
