In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
