Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
