If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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