I wish I could punch you in the face.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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