Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
