For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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