dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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