she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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