I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
