ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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