sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i will never coherently bang her
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
