I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
