Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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