Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
