i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
