I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
