Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
